Two Minute Manifesto

Ideas, Culture, Politics

You should go to/You should not go to...

You should go to Gatehouse of Fleet for the jam at Galloway Lodge: strawberry and gooseberry OMG!

You should go to Cumbernauld for the amazing audiences.

You should go to Penicuik for an excuse to stop at Ikea on the way home. 

You should go to Plockton for the palm trees. 

You should go to Leith for the impending doom of future tram works. 

You should go to Forfar for the bridies. 

You should not go to Peterhead for the weekend. 

You should go to Dundee for the ice-cream from Visocchis

You should go to Orkney for the energy and clear water. 

You should go to Glasgow for the vibe of the place. 

You should not go to the cities - everyone else goes there. 

You should go to Argyll for the beavers. 

You should go to Arbroath for the smokies. 

You should go to Torridon for the scenery. 

You should go to Shetland for something different and to be inclusive. 

You should go to Mull for the beauty of the landscape. 

You should go to Selkirk for the bannock. 

You should not go to North Berwick for the coffee. 

You should go to Shetland for the journey on the ferry. 

You should go to Cairngorm for the coffee. 

You should go to Crail for the crabs. 

You should not go to Carluke for the laughs. 

You should not go to Glasgow for the weejies live there. 

You should go to Cumbernauld for the architecture (not sarcasm) 

You should go to Portpatrick for the view of Northern Ireland, the community owned harbour (and the swimming).

You should not go to Shetland for Up Helly Aa because women aren’t allowed to be vikings! (go to a different Up Helly Aa!) 

You should go to Ballachulish because nobody goes there. 

You should not go to Easter Road because the wee team in Edinburgh play there. 

You should go to Lerwick for the renewable energy. 

You should go to Loch Inver for the great people. 

You should go to Berwick for the hell of it (and to stake a claim?) 

You should go to Shetland for the fantastic music. 

You should not go to St Kilda since the parliament is sadly no more. 

You should go to Aberlady for a ceilidh! In a lovely fire-lit hall.

You should go to East Kilbride for the plethora of roundabouts.

You should to go to Aberfolye for the sheepdog who herds geese! 

You should go to Dunoon for the boats!

Two Minute Manifesto @ the Fringe # 2

The best thing that could happen is the third bridge does not ruin the vista over the firth of Forth. 

The best thing that could happen is to reignite the hope that was extinguished in the 70s/80s.

The best thing that could happen is that Scotland continues to show the world the the importance of honesty in political life. 

The best thing that could happen is: Claire might love me forever. 

The best thing that could happen is that the better angels of our nature will prevail. 

The best thing that could happen isn't the thing that will happen. 

The best that could happen is not to wait for it. 

The best thing that could happen is we all at the very least get what we need. 

The best thing that could happen is we somehow come to feel other people are as real as we are. 

The best thing that could happen is a light will appear in everybody's eyes (apart from the messianic ones).

The best thing that could happen is that all humanity could get along. 

The best thing that could happen is the unexpected. 

The best thing that could happen is...what was the question? 

The best thing that could happen is redemption and a shift for the good. 

The best thing that could happen is I understand more about Scottish politics. 

The best thing that could happen is that the voices of people are heard by government. 

The best thing that could happen is that the Labour Party might actually develop a vision. 

The best thing that could happen is that I will always travel. 

The best thing that could happen is falling asleep with a clear conscience. 

The best thing that could happen is that all the prisons close. 

The best thing could happen is a brilliant idea. 

The best that could happen is that I understand more about what is going in Scotland. 

The best thing that could happen is: the innocence of youth fuses with the wisdom of age. 

The best thing that could happen: independence for Scotland and justice for Palestine. 

The best thing that could happen is % of UK citizens that thinks and get involved politics increasing.

The best thing that could happen is forgiveness worldwide.

The best thing that could happen is a change in people’s minds meaning more respect for each of us and for the earth and animals. 

The best thing that could happen is that immigrants are welcome and all children reach their potential. 

The best thing that could happen is they get a life. 

The best thing that could happen is to live life to the max. 

The best that could happen is these words become deeds. 

The best that could happen is peace, love and kindness in a positive of our hearts and minds. 

The best that could happen is to make real efforts for greater equality. 

The best thing that could happen is the dog will welcome me home. 

The best thing that could happen is an independent Palestine. 

The best thing that could happen is tolerance and acceptance. 

The best thing that could happen is democracy, hope, no oil extraction and rain in Saudi Arabia. 

Two Minute Manifesto @ the Fringe # 1

You know it's the Fringe when a uni-cycling policeman directs the traffic.

You know it's the Fringe when gin gardens are sprouting everywhere

You know it's the Fringe when you eat weird things at weird times 

You know it's the Fringe when you regret getting your child a place in the fantastic nursery on the royal mile (have you tried to get a buggy through the crowd?)

You know it's the Fringe when you begin to look forward to a couple of free days to rest 

You know it's the Fringe when you can't get a seat on a bus for rucksacks and wheelie cases

You know it's the Fringe when the streets are thronged with the weird and wonderful, I'm eating a bacon butties at the Trav at 9am, the city hums with a million voices and sounds from thousands of halls and street corners. 

You know it's the Fringe when Edinburgh citizens avoid eye contact with anyone in the street for a month.

You know it's the Fringe when everyone talks to each other everywhere (...and I don't just mean the tourists/visitors!)

You know it's the Fringe when I leave summer behind at home, come up here, and shiver.

You know it's the Fringe when Edinburgh folk complain about crowds. 
 
You know it's the Fringe when you can't get a seat on the train back to Glasgow.

You know it's the Fringe when you start criticising shop staff for being dramatically inconsistent.

You know it's the Fringe when you can't tell if you're tired or still drunk, it's probably both.

I know it's the Fringe when I leave my shorts to put my raincoat on, leave Madrid and fly to Edinburgh!

You know it's the Fringe when you're running uphill through the backstreets of Edinburgh at 9.30am!

You know it's the Fringe when you've been given enough flyers to make a small book and you wish you didn't have to sleep so that you had enough time and you're willing to sacrifice your political ideals and integrity for a millions pounds, tax-free so that you had enough money to go and see half the shows in your small book of flyers. 

You know it's the Fringe when you have deep and searching conversations with complete strangers. 

You know it's the Fringe when the whole city feels daft. 

You know it's the Fringe when you can attend a theatre performance at 9 in the morning. 

You know it's the Fringe when you have to climb over a pink rabbit singing opera to get to work. 

You know it's the Fringe when your pockets are stuffed with flyers. 

You know it's the Fringe when your vision blurs. 

You know it's the Fringe when a random man quotes poetry to you at 8am!

You know it's the Fringe when the streets are heaving with people you don't like. 

You know it's the Fringe when you only know what day of the week it is from what's printed on your show ticket. 

You know it's the Fringe when you feel as if you're on holiday even if you're not. 

I know it's the Fringe when I lose my husband...again and have a flat battery and I ask to borrow a phone and the answer is...is the part of a skit?

You know it's the Fringe when imagination and energy can produce magic...or rubbish. 

You know it's the Fringe when queues at churches match those at bars. 

You know it's the Fringe when I am kissing someone on a station platform at 7,30am on a Monday morning. 

You know it's the Fringe when people queue to get their £10 notes shredded.

You know it's the Fringe when you see a bloodied axe murder in Tescos and don't bat an eyelid. 

You know it's the Fringe when you're queuing for coffee behind Jekyll and Hyde. 

You know it's the Fringe when you can go to the theatre 24 hours a day!

You know it's the Fringe when the pizza joints stay open till 5am!

You know it's the Fringe when you can laugh hysterically, cry uncontrollably and comment freely without being carted off to the psychiatric ward. 

You know it's the Fringe when you are drunk in a cellar and you make eye-contact with the standup comedian and a smile spreads over her face as she moves towards you...

You know it's the Fringe when the Royal Mile is packed with people. 

You know it's the Fringe when the streets of Edinburgh are full of colourful people.

You know it's the Fringe when my feet hurt and I start dreaming of a pair of comfy shoes. 

 

July

I will wear my 'I hate Christmas' t-shirt with pride. 

I will wear my votes with pride.

I will wear both my divorce decrees with pride.

I will wear my 31 British Sea Power t-shirts with pride (although not all at the same time).

I will wear my home-grown, home-made gooseberry jam with pride. 

I will wear my Yorkshire roots with pride. 

I will wear my ambiguity with pride. 

I will wear my grandmother's ring with pride.

I will wear my beard of bees with pride. 

I will wear my self with pride. 

I will wear my halo with pride if I ever get it. 

I will wear my 'Make Poverty History' t-shirt rarely as poverty is being redefined out of existence.

I will wear my failure to think of anything with pride. 

I will my ancestral top hat economically, but with pride.

I will wear my lemon yellow flip-flops with pride. 

I will write the song to myself on a t-shirt with pride.

I will wear my wife's abuse with pride.

I will wear my football coach's badge with pride. 

I will wear my love of mince and tatties with pride. 

I will wear my Frenchness with pride. 

I will wear my personal muzak iPod with pride.

I will wear my prison tattoo with pride. 

I will wear my humbleness with pride. 

I will wear my trusty jacket with pride. 

I will wear my silence with pride. 

I will wear my celtic scarf with pride. 

I will wear my confusion with pride. 

I will wear my intimate sunburn with pride. 

I will wear my multiple identities with pride.

I will wear my friend's patience thin with pride. 

I will wear my lenses with pride. 

I will wear my muted madness with pride. 

I will wear my anger with pride. 

I will wear my macaroni pie with pride. 

I will wear my unfashionable hairstyle with pride. 

Election Day Special #1

In the polling booth today...

I compromised

I wanted something better

I will be adding my insignificant piece of the mosaic

I was really looking forward to 2 minute manifesto

I wish I had a vote

I will exercise my right to vote as a woman, so ably fought for by the suffragettes safe in the knowledge that corruption and co-ercion will be minimal, if not non-existent!

I voted twice! On two ballot papers!

I will be anxiously casting my vote because somehow it always makes me nervous.

I’ll cut my toenails.

I’ll be doing my bit to smash the westminster status quo

I’ll be voting for hopeful positive politics

I discovered my number was 208 and the woman handing me my ballot said ‘same as radio luxembourg’ and I was still thinking of 1963 when I crossed my ballot. Just like all the other parties in this camoaign.

I’ll be a no show since I posted my vote last week.

I remembered that Atlanteans, Plutarch said, we’re unable to dream, but as I come from Scotland I’m allowed to.

I’ll be voting tactically.

I voted tactically.

I will vote tactically for the first time in 40 years and regret yet again that we do not have a decent voting system

I tripped over my handbag while voting

I finished my breakfast when I found a cornflake between my teeth.

I forgot my own address

I felt proud of my socialist upbringing

I felt very positive and hopeful

I missed the female candidates

I wondered why we use a pencil rather than a pen

I almost voted Tory for the first time. But couldn’t quite do it.